When I Saw You Read online

  “But you cannot convince Sage of this?”

  Gio caught the Shaman’s eye. The old man was a steady force, a wind that never stopped blowing. Stable. Comfortable. “I want him to want me more than he fears losing me. Take a chance. Embrace what we have beyond whatever he might See tomorrow.”

  “Ah.” Acacius smiled. “I see.”

  “I wish I did.” Gio felt hopeless even as the words rolled out of his mouth. Sage was bound to his beliefs. Tied to his past experiences, and they all told him that what he Saw would always come true.

  “I’m glad you have come to the Mo-I. This is a place to find answers,” Acacius said softly.

  “Where is he?” Gio jumped up to look out at the night. The wind was picking up, and it whipped snow past the hut as it howled. “It’s not safe to be out there at night.” Gio moved to his pack and dug out his sat-phone. It had long-range transmission, but he’d purposely kept it off in case Sage tried to call. He dialed a familiar number and counted the rings.

  “Hello?” a sleepy voice answered.

  “Hey, doll.”

  “What’s wrong?” Jessy’s voice went sharp as she recognized his tone.

  Gio chuckled. How could he have hoped to fool her? She was his best friend, and she knew him better than anyone. “He didn’t make it here yet. Did he...did he call it off?”

  “What?”

  Gio heard Bas murmuring in the background as Jessy shushed him.

  “What do you mean he’s not there?”

  “It’s already dark, doll-face, and he’s not here.”

  “Gio, he left here this morning. He should have been there hours ago.”

  It was fear, not blood, that ran through Gio’s veins. His hands shook, and he barely managed to hold on to the phone. “W...what?”

  “York Moved him this morning. He should have been in the village hours ago.”

  Gio’s eyes met Acacius’. The Shaman stood and took the phone from Gio. Gio was numb as he sank to the furs near the fire. Acacius and Jessy spoke quietly, but Gio couldn’t hear anything they said over the rushing in his ears. He jumped when Acacius’ hand landed on his shoulder, and the phone was returned to him.

  “Gio?” Jessy’s voice rang in his ears.

  “Yeah,” he managed. “I’m here.”

  “Acacius and the other hunters are going to look for him. I’m sure he’s fine. He knows how to take care of himself.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Don’t worry, honey. They’ll find him.”

  “Okay.” He swallowed hard. “This...this is my fault. I always have to make such a fuss...do things the flamboyant way....”

  “No, Gio. You did what you thought you needed to do. Sage will be fine. Should I come up?”

  “No.” He held the phone tighter, hoping he could get a grip on his emotions, too. “Stay at home with Bas and Karoline. I’ll...I’ll call if I need you.”

  “Have faith, Gio. Sage is fine.”

  “Right.” He hung up the phone, and it dropped to his lap.

  “I will gather the hunters, and we’ll search.” Acacius pulled on his heavy elk-skin coat.

  “Wait.” Gio stood, reaching for his own parka and boots. “I’m coming with you.” He ignored the pointed stare of the Shaman and dressed for the harsh weather. “I can do this,” he insisted.

  “As you wish.” Acacius opened the door, and let the full blast of the arctic winter rush inside the hut.

  Gio shivered but hid it with a grim smile. “Let’s go find my man.”

  SAGE WOKE WITH A DULL ringing in his ears and the idea that his ass was frozen to the ground. He rolled, grunting. He touched his forehead, grimacing to find that blood had frozen over a cut above his eyebrow.

  He wasn’t outside, anymore. He couldn’t feel the wind slicing through him like he had before, and it was dark. Sage fumbled for his pack, happy to find it a few feet away. From the top left pocket, he dug out his flashlight and clicked it on. “Oh, hell no,” he muttered in disbelief.

  From every angle and every corner, he could see the glare of the light reflected back at him. The purity of the images told him he was surrounded by ice. Slab and slabs of perfect, reflective ice. He sat up and tried to keep his eyes off any one point, taking in the rest of his surroundings in quick blinks. He lay at the bottom of a tall slope, with an opening up top where he must have fallen through.

  “A god-damned ice cave.” He clicked off the light, giving his eyes a rest. This place was a nightmare for Seers. Any reflective surface could channel his powers, and give him visions of the future he didn’t want to See. It was his luck he was surrounded by ice and reflections.

  Sage reached for his bag again, hauling it into his lap and digging through the contents. His fingers were stiff with cold, but he sighed in relief when he shoved hot packs down inside his gloves to warm them up. There was no chance he was making a fire down here without wood, especially surrounded by the ice. He tested his legs and found them stiff but not broken. His right side was sore, his right arm tender at the elbow, but otherwise, he considered himself fairly lucky. He chanced turning on the light again, and saw that the hole was at least fifty feet above him, and too high to reach. He clicked off the light as the flickering began to draw his eye. The last thing he needed was to end up in a trance while he froze to death.

  “Gio, Gio, Gio,” Sage muttered. He wished it sounded angry, but it came out full of gentle mirth. God, he loved the man. Sage hated the way it hurt so good when he thought of Gio. He was full of life, full of happiness. Sunshine when everything in Sage’s life looked dark. Damn. He rubbed the ache in his chest. What would he have to do to get Gio back? The man was flighty, full of anger one minute and full of joy the next, but he would never leave Sage unless he thought it was the only thing left to do. Of that much, Sage was sure. Gio was never good at hiding his feelings. Hell, he wore them on his sleeve ninety percent of the time. So how had Sage managed to miss how much Gio was hurting?

  The idea of Gio unhappy worsened Sage’s headache and the dull ache in his chest. How could he have been so selfish? He cursed and flicked on the light, digging in his bag for his thermal blanket. His only hope now was that the Skifta would miss him and come looking. They were expert trackers, and all he had to do was stay alive long enough to be found. He pulled out the blanket, but jolted when his eyes caught those of the reflection directly in front of him. “Shit,” was all he managed before the vision swept him away.

  This was it. Sage looked down at his severe black suit and smoothed his hands over the lapels.

  “Don’t be nervous,” Gio whispered from behind him, his hands tracing the path Sage’s had taken. He pressed his body against Sage’s from behind. “This is our forever.”

  “How can I not be nervous?” Sage turned to pull the slimmer man into his arms. “You might find someone better on the way to the altar, and then where will I be?”

  Gio tossed back his hair and laughed. “Devastated, darling! And rightly so! I am far, far too good for you.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  Gio pressed his lips to Sage’s. When they parted, Gio smiled. That was the thing about him that Sage loved the most. Every ounce of his love was shining from his dark gaze, so warm that Sage could bask in the heat. He had never been so openly adored by anyone.

  “Now, come on. I can’t wait to start our lives together.” Gio pulled on Sage’s hand, and the vision began to fade.

  Sage came out of the trance with a whoosh of air. It hit him hard in the gut, and he clicked off the light with shaking hands. They had looked so happy. So hopeful. It gave him hope that he would have Gio back again, even as far as marrying the man. Underneath his hope, was terror. To go so high, to soar too close to the sun, meant that the crash would be all the more horrific.

  He wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and pulled his knees to his chest, his teeth chattering. He wasn’t worried about dying here, the vision had assured him that he would live. What worried him more was living thro
ugh this, only to disappoint Gio somewhere down the road.

  “EXPLAIN TO ME AGAIN why I’m freezing and you all seem fine.”

  Acacius’ chuckle could barely be heard over the din of the wind. “Because we are Skifta, born to this land. You are human. And frail.”

  “Frail!” Gio glared but knew the wolf-man was right. The Skifta were a hearty race, and much more suited to life in the arctic cold than most humans. He followed the group of men dressed in hides and furs and stuck his hands more deeply into his parka’s pockets. Skifta eyesight allowed them to see in the dark, but he had to rely on his flashlight’s dim beam to keep him on the trail.

  “You shouldn’t worry about Sage,” Acacius told him with a clap to his shoulder that nearly sent him to his knees. “This weather is milder than most winter nights.”

  “Mild. Right.” Gio knew Sage was strong, but accidents happened to strong people, too. He stumbled, and Acacius righted him with a pointed look.

  “Tell me of your past. How did you meet Jessy?”

  Gio wondered how much of the story Jessy had already told the man. “My parents died when I was seventeen. Instead of going to foster care, I chose to live on the streets.”

  “That takes courage.”

  Gio shrugged. Courage and stupidity were often confused for one another. “I had no money, no skills. I did...unsavory things to eat.”

  “We all have regrets.”

  “One night, I was walking down an alley and I saw a girl on the ground, being threatened by a couple of the local bullies. I ran them off. I had twelve dollars in my pocket, so Jessy and I got burgers and we talked all night long. She was the other half of me. You know?”

  Acacius nodded. “It is rare to find such friendship. A gift to be treasured.”

  “Yeah. Later on, she met Bas and the others, and my art was taking off. I was finally able to earn enough to get a place. To travel.”

  “And then you met Sage?”

  Gio laughed. “He was intimidating. So big and so serious all the time. I just had this itch to get under his skin. I knew there was a sparkling diamond under all that darkness.”

  “He saw something special in you, as well.”

  Gio shrugged. He didn’t know what Sage saw in him. Of course he was gorgeous, but Sage wasn’t the kind of man to care about the exterior package. Whatever it was that drew them together, Gio knew it was real. Real and beautiful and painful as fuck.

  “There is something inordinately horrible and yet perfectly glorious about true love,” Acacius said, raising his face to the moonlight. Gio wondered how much the turning of the moon affected the Skifta. It was still several months until the Wild Moon, when they lost their human forms and ran as wolves for the whole night. Still, there was a bit of the animal in the man as he bathed his face in the light.

  It felt like they’d walked for hours. They trudged along over the hard-packed snow, and Gio squinted against the whip of the wind. “Sage, where are you?” he whispered. “Where the hell are you?”

  WAS THIS WHAT IT WAS like when Hell froze over, Sage wondered. He had stopped shaking, and now he could barely move. He’d shimmied into the sleeping bag and tucked all his hot packs in with him, but they didn’t seem to chase the chill from his bones. He had the sharpest urge to turn on the light and stare into his reflection just to take his mind off the cold.

  “No,” he warned himself. That would be suicide. He had no control over how long the trances would last, and it could very well keep him hooked until he died of hypothermia. Still...he clicked the button on the light.

  His face was white with frost, his eyebrows frozen. He squinted, trying to call up a vision in his reflection. He’d never done that before; asked for a vision. He concentrated on a thought of Gio and hoped the vision that came would give him the answers he needed.

  “I won’t do this anymore!” Gio was so angry, his face was red with fury. He rounded on Sage with his hands up. “I can’t live like this!”

  “You said you understood. Why are you freaking out now?” Sage demanded. He rubbed his finger, his wedding ring heavy on his skin.

  “Because you said you’d changed, and you haven’t. You can’t!” Tears shimmered in Gio’s eyes.

  God, it tore Sage up. Why couldn’t he do what Gio wanted? It sounded so simple. Trust in their future. Love him without holding back. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t do it. He always had the underlying fear that this very thing would happen. Gio was miserable, and it was Sage’s fault.

  “Stop staring at me like that! This isn’t because of some vision you Saw! This is because you don’t love me enough to let go of your fear.”

  “G...”

  “No. I’m done.”

  The weight of the words ricocheted off the walls around them. Walls filled with photos of them. Happy. In love.

  “Either you love me and give me everything, or I’m leaving. For good.”

  It hit Sage like a punch in the gut. His fear was coming true. He could see it in the deadening of Gio’s eyes.

  “G, please.”

  Gio turned away, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed. It was true. All true. Sage had finally lost him.

  Sage blinked against the tears that froze on his lashes. God damn. It was everything he had feared. Every horrible nightmare he’d ever had, coming true right in front of his eyes. He’d never seen that defeated, crushed look on Gio’s face before.

  Gio was alive. So vibrant and full of love. His eyes should never have been darkened with the kind of pain Sage had Seen in his face.

  “Oh, G,” Sage whispered. “Why did you let me do this to you?”

  He raised his head, anger flaring to life in his chest. He’d started down this road, and now he would finish it. Hell, he only had hours to live if the Skifta didn’t show up, and he needed to know what came next. Would Gio be better off without him?

  GIO CAME OUT OF HIS daydreaming as a long howl hit the air. He hurried to catch up to Acacius as the other pack members took up the call.

  “What is it?” he demanded. “What’s happening?”

  “They’ve caught his scent,” Acacius told him with a grin. “We’re on his trail.”

  “Is he alive?” The idea of never seeing Sage again caused Gio to stumble, catching the Shaman’s arm in his hand. “Oh, God, tell me he’s alive.”

  “And if he is not?”

  Gio couldn’t say the words.

  “Have faith,” Acacius advised.

  “I’ll do anything,” Gio said softly, more to himself than to the Shaman. “Take him any way I can have him.”

  “Even if you are unhappy?” Acacius shook his head. “That’s not the way.”

  “No, I won’t be unhappy.” It was a realization that rocked Gio. “It’s me. I make myself unhappy. I never trusted him to love me. Never trusted him to stay.”

  “That is a profound conclusion,” the Shaman said approvingly.

  “Everyone leaves. My parents. Jessy for Bas. I...I was afraid Sage would leave me, too.”

  “And if he does?”

  “I’ll chase him. I won’t let him go to save me. I’ll fight.”

  “That is the way of true love!” Acacius howled at the moon and clapped Gio on the back with a wide grin. “Now, let us find your man.”

  SAGE FELT THE SLOWING of his heart and the rush of blood in his head. He knew hypothermia was going to set in soon, but he still needed answers before he lay down for the long sleep.

  He wondered if he should be so accepting of death. If he died, the fight with Gio would never happen. Neither would their wedding. That thought hurt him more than the other. Never to see the other man walking down the aisle toward him, those eyes so full of love and fastened on him? Yeah, the thought of missing that was a knife to his frozen, useless gut.

  Sage clicked on the flashlight at stared at the ghost of himself looking back. Just his luck to get stuck in a cave full of ice. Worse than god-damned mirrors for reflecting the truth. He stared hard, and called
up his Gift again. He thought about Gio. Remembered the first time he’d kissed the man. The smell of him, amber and musk and a hint of patchouli that made Sage smile. All the times Gio had made him laugh when laughing was the last thing on his mind. Sage’s stiff fingers rubbed the area over his heart. It hurt so much right there, a deep pain that even the sting of the cold couldn’t match. He latched onto the pain and the pleasure and fell, again, into the future.

  Sage was tired. Hell, he was tired more days than not now. He sat up and stretched his muscles and skin that had once been firm now sagged. He got up and shuffled toward the shower and another long day ahead.

  The bathroom was bare except for a toothbrush on the sink and a lone towel on the rack. The years had not been kind. He pulled off his boxers and stepped under the water. He was an old man, with old man’s regrets.

  When he was dressed, he dropped into a chair by the window and looked out over the lawn below. It was fall, and the leaves had colored the grass red, orange and yellow. There was a knock, and a young girl burst into the room.

  “Uncle Sage!” She threw herself into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning, Karoline.” He kissed her pale, perfect cheek. The girl was her mother to T, except for the glittering emerald eyes that mirrored her father’s. “Where are you off to today?”

  “Uncle Gio is in town, so we’re going to see him.” Karoline studied Sage with her wide, serious eyes. “Do you want to come?”

  “No.” He tried to smile at her, but the pain was still sharp after all these years. “I’m sure Uncle Gio doesn’t want to see me.”

  “Can’t the two of you get along?” the girl demanded. She glared at Sage with her father’s eyes. “It’s been twelve years.”

  “We made our choices long ago, darling girl.” Sage tugged on her long blonde braid. “Some things cannot be undone.”

  “This can!” she argued. “You belong together. I know you do.” She raised her hand and her Gift swirled in her palm. “You know you do.”